Goodbye 2013

Yeah it's over, and here's hoping that 2014 is the year. What do you mean "the" year? That we get matched or placed with our forever child or children. Just in case I have located 2 facilities that are approved and work with the state. One is closer to my mother and I have always liked this place. So I am going to go with that one unless they are booked. Of course if the child is school age it's a matter of calling and arranging with the school system. Let's not get to much into that.

What I remember about 2013?
I still believe if our first caseworker had addressed everything sooner our application would not have had to have been put on hold, and a process that should have taken 3 to 6 months wouldn't have ended up taking us a year. I am thankful for caseworker number 2 and believe in some way it was a better fit. I don't believe caseworker number 1 set out to give us a hard time, but I got the feeling she just had so much on her plate. Like I told someone else I believe caseworker number 2 is a better fit and will fight for us and on our behalf.
I had to serve jury duty that was well interesting. It was one day but when you get that notice and go into that room it's intimidating.
I met up with a support group about adoption and other groups through social media.

I didn't think we would ever get out of the home study phase. I realize every piece of this journey comes with it's own challenges and struggles. Good times are there just not the same to everyone. Sometimes you want to give up you want to say this is it I'm done. You will be pushed farther then you ever thought you would go. You will discover people who will understand your journey and others who don't care to know a piece of it.  I know this process will test me, and i'm sure when we get a placement we will be tested by the child. I have been reading up, but I can't come up with every scenario.

I know that people will say things that will be hurtful, but won't understand what they are saying. I pray that the person who says "real mother" I will breathe in and out and respond "do you mean birth mother? or what is a real mother do explain and then let me know what I am. Am I not real?" Yeah that can go all kinds of ways. I correct people even now. Some language is a matter of what you prefer, but real mother or real father gets to me. I know that unintentional someone may be so upset or angry that they blurt out "you aren't real family or you aren't blood." I place that brave face on to my child and talk it out. While in the back of my mind I will be devising a plan of what time to call that parent what I'm going to say refraining from talking to that child by myself because that won't solve anything. It's not exactly the same but did you ever see someone years from now and they say "remember that time i did (fill in the blank)" I'm so sorry, or you bring up to them, and they either don't remember or it hits them and they get it. Kids say and do things that can be very cruel without realizing the lasting effect it will have on someone. When they get to be older they will hopefully get it because they are better programmed. Then again this may never happen, or it may happen in school. Ahh yes school.

2013 had it's struggles tears fears frustration anger denial walls and now we come to a new year.

We don't know what this year will bring that's exciting and scary. I leave 2013 behind in the vault. I remember what I learn and take that with me to apply now but let's move forward not backwards.

To those that we didn't see eye to eye with it's a new year.
To those that we were pissed or angry with me in 2013 it's a new year.
To those I wasn't that close with in 2013 it's a new year.
To those that I adore cherish and so on it's a new year.
To my meant to be child/children it's a new year won't you come find us already? You maybe sitting around wondering does anyone love me or need me. We do we do!!!!!!

Celine Dion Quote

On not giving up: "I'm going to try until it works.

Jimmy Fallon Quote On Infertility

On staying hopeful: "I know people have tried much longer, but if there's anybody out there that's trying and losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue, try anything you can do because you'll get there — you'll end up with a family and it's so worth it. It is the most worth-it thing."

We have been approved!!!!!!!!!!

I don't expect "the call" for a long while. Yesterday I asked for a sign that this was going to work out. Well I got a phone call today. Panic set in because it is our caseworker. I'm thinking "oh goodness what is wrong now..." It wasn't bad new it was good news. We have officially been approved by the state. Our caseworker called today we could be called any day she says. Until we get the windows fixed (which should be in the next two weeks) we are approved for one child infant-2years old. When the window is fixed we will be approved for 3. Which opens the door to a sibling group. Let the ride of uncertainty begin.

I'm sure getting the call that you have been matched, approached about fostering, a certain situation that could lead to your forever family is awesome. I really hope that day comes. :) 

That's Not What I want to hear

So......... Let me start by saying this isn't an attack by any means just have to get this out. I don't want people to walk on egg shells around me, but I think this has to be addressed because I need to figure out what the heck to say or do. These situations will happen, and the trick for me will be not to react.

Brother in law was very frustrated with his son and in a moment of anger said along the lines of "that's it putting you up for adoption. I'm giving you up." Nephew was upset, and more words were exchanged back and forth.

I started to play the scenario of what I would do if my child was old enough and could understand.
1) dismiss it
2) tell the child to ask the person who said it why they said it
3) me or my husband address the person
4) come up with something to say to our child

I'm coming from the angle of now you have said something where my child may think "did that happen to me and my parents just "gave" me up." "did they give up on me."  

You Are Going.....

You yes I'm talking to you. You have you will continue to have moments where you are going to want to give up..... DON'T........

When In Doubt Click

1021 as of June 2013

That is how many children were legally free in New Jersey as of June 2013.

Keeping the Faith

I'm trying...................

Every time we encounter a road block or issue in this journey this song comes to mind....

You would never guess...... Ricky Martin but of course!

It's setting in.....

So in case you don't know the inspection didn't go great. Window in the child's room doesn't meet their requirements. We have two options and after much discussion and tossing around ideas we are fixing the windows. I called the inspector today to clarify how big the windows have to be. Could you imagine if after all that we got windows installed that didn't meet the minimum requirements? I think yesterday I was processing everything and today it's settling in. This stops us from being approved for the age range or sibling group. Before the holidays the last thing you need is to shell out added expenses which always finds it's way to us around this time. We were planning on fixing the other bedroom and the window in the living room so it will be sooner. Still though it's about 4 weeks away or so for that to happen. It should take one day weather permitting. Until we meet their window requirements we are "waiting." What have we been doing for the past year? Waiting...... So what is 4 to 6 weeks more or so. Just because you get approved doesn't mean you get placements immediately. At every turn of this process we have encountered a road block. I wish this was different, or I could rewind and we could have had this fixed before the inspection. It's a lot of woulda shoulda coulda.

I'm disappointed so much for the most wonderful time of the year. :(

Pregnancy Announcement

Ever sit near those people at a restaurant with people that are loud and very animated when they speak? Yeah she was like that with her group of people. I was out with some family enjoying dinner when Ms. Animated came in. I could tell something was on her mind. All of the sudden I hear a gasp and I see its a sonogram picture. She has just announced to her table she is 3 months pregnant. Tears hugs and excitement fill the air. To the left of us is two couples one is pregnant with a toddler the other has a toddler. To the right of us are 3 women and a baby. A little ways over a 8 week old with her parents and family. I sit and sigh. When will it be my turn to have news? I had a moment where I thought about taking the state of New Jersey and putting it on sonogram picture. Then I said to myself "hold on to hope your day will come hold on to hope soon soon soon..." It sucks to say the very least. Something that comes so easy to others is so hard for me. When is it going to be my turn?

I know I know this amazing wonder or wonders are going to come into my life, and I will say "ohh there you are..." Everything will make sense all the puzzle pieces will fit but until then. This emptiness or empty nest sucks!

Let It Be

Sometimes when my ipod is on random, listening to the radio, someone else's music, or TV I hear a song that may be old, but has a new meaning. I heard this song last night doing the dishes. I had that whoa moment. Stressed worried about something anything that is so far out of your control. At some point you have to Let It Be...... 
The following video doesn't seem to work it seems to be on mute so here is the youtube link. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26bZZwPs5zM

Hurry Up and Wait

We are waiting.... (hi isn't this what you have been doing for so many years....) 
Yes but we are waiting for the Office of Licensing to come out and inspect our house. One of the workers from that office said "failure is not an option.." I could look around my house as what may or may not fail. I would be guessing, and I may be wrong. I may adjust something and actually create a problem. So I get to obsess about all the ways this could happen. The mind can wander off in so many different directions.  

I'm emotionally exhausted and holding on to hope. It's all I can do. I don't know what's going to happen, and I would like to believe everything will work out but when I do something along this way goes wrong. I just don't want to be the couple who is approved and never get's matched never gets a placement and so on. That may happen. You may say don't think like that, but it's an option and no one can say for sure. So as much as I may want to dance and be happy because we have come so far we have so far to go. If we are blessed to get at least one child our journey begins in a different way. 

Meant To Be Child

So it's Sunday night, and even though I only have one day of work I still need sleep. Or the illusion that I will get some kind of snooze time. 

So on top of one of the woman in my group saying "don't say if say when." "When you adopt." Another woman said "You all are waiting for your meant to be child." That is cute. 

I had a further thought like years from now when this time will be a foggy dream, and I will look back and go "i can't even remember life without you..." moments. My children will say something like "why do you not give up." Or having negative tantrums. I will say "If I gave up I wouldn't have you.."  

Stop For Me

I always thought this train would stop for me...... 

What not to say to an adoptive parent

People sharing information helping each other. Standing up saying "you aren't alone here are these resources..." See superheros don't all wear capes you can see.

This person perfectly says it. I would love to print this out in a newsletter to send out this holiday season with our card.

I need to check back on this blog. Truly awesome.....

ways-to-avoid-accidentally-dropping-the-a-bomb-on-an-adoptive-parent/

Say Something

Maybe it's not walkaway from a relationship but holding back waiting for this person to make the move to you. This is a song that is stuck in my head today.

Ever have the person/friend/family member who you try and try to have the relationship and no matter what you do they don't seem to make that effort back........

Sound of Silence

This is what I think about when I talk to some people about our goal of adopted through the state. 

What do they say how do they respond? Do they ever bring it up? Do they have anything to say?


"Sound of Silence" 

What does that mean?

They say NOTHING
They ask NOTHING
They act as though this isn't happening.
They seem more interested in what's happening in the celebrity gossip world. 

If you think I'm referring to you please don't read this as an insult. It's my feelings and if you are upset by what I'm saying then maybe it's your issue and not mine. 

Talk about it.
It's happening
With or with out you 
Jump on board or be left out in sea

Maybe when a child is present people will be more present. 

Graph of Numbers

Interesting

The numbers

All You Need Is Love

All You Need Is Love

Boys get up in church asking for a family

I heard this story a few weeks ago and every time I do I cry. Every child deserves a safe place to call home with love support the whole nine yards and then some. Someone to tuck them in at night, to wipe away tears and boo boos, to encourage, to support, to be there, to spoil, to keep them in line, to teach them right from wrong, to have a safe place to fall, and so on....... 

Why? How? What can we do to make sure this doesn't happen? 

Here is the story 
Boy asks for forever family
update on his story

I was thinking......

I could be angry, upset, disappointed, frustrated, harp on the negative, and all that. About our last experience and how if things were different we could already be approved already possibly have a placement or match. I choose....... To let it go. 

Why? It doesn't do good to hold on to negative feelings that can turn your life into a negative place. Find some kind of peace. Say.... I know better so I will do better I choose life and I choose to be happy. With that I'm letting these negative pieces go...... Shake it out / cry it out. 

Some reason I feel more and more that we were suppose to be where we are now. Would I have liked it to be sooner? Of freaking course. Some reason or reasons and soon when you meet that reason or reasons you all will see too. Just about everyone I have spoken to who has adopted especially those that had failed adoptions say "I am meant to have my child/children." 

So that is why when I listen to "Blessed the broken road" by Rascal Flatt is perfectly worded

Forever Love

A song that I don't think is meant about adoption but I think it fits. That's the thing about music one song can mean something different to everyone.
"I won't give up no matter I'll be waiting for you forever love"
"Someday we'll be together forever love...."

We're Adopting!

We are not sure when but this is how we are building our family.
This blog is dedicated to that. All the emotions, roadblocks, questions, concerns, articles, and so on......