Only Human

So today the call that would never come came a baby more details to follow. But the happy shock was short lived with another call and the baby is being cared for by a relative. *sigh* Like someone pops your happiness balloon. I hope like all the other calls that the baby is safe and doing well. I am emotionally exhausted.

I don't know if you were the one and in some time we will get the call again about you. I don't know if you aren't meant to be. Instead, this was to fall apart because it wasn't right. I have not a clue how or where we go from here. Situations are going to come up more calls in.

Years before we put in an offer on a condo a place I thought was our home. Something after the offer was put in didn't set right. Everyone told me about a deal they had fell through. I pushed it aside but as it turns out the condo fell through. I was feeling defeated frustrated and didn't want to continue. We did and when we scheduled two homes I tried to be positive. We went to the first house we struck out it wasn't what we thought. Then we showed up to the gray house with red shudders. Which we now call home. Not a day goes by that I don't love this house.  A house isn't a child.

I wish I knew. I wish I could say for certain, but I don't know. Part of me wants to give up but that I'm sure is part of the grieving process for the loss of this placement. Nothing is ever for sure or guaranteed. We may have had that baby or days weeks or years and then have to surrender when a family member showed up. What has to be done has to be done in the best interest of the child/children. One day that best interest will be to be placed with us.

So this song comes to mind because it's perfect. Only Human.
Years from now this will be a memory. I hope that this memory will be replaced with happiness of reading it with our meant to be child/children. That dream of a sibling group of 5. I would totally take that now.