Wanted

Okay so this hour maybe isn't the best time to start but I had to bring this song to attention. Wanted

This isn't a song you would think would think about adoption or a child. I know it's meant to be more of a relationship song. I hear it and the words get me. 

You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everything that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah
And you get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up
And I wanna show you what I see tonight...

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips.
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

You'll always be wanted

All I ever wanted - To the future child who is reading this. You will have moments on this earth where you may doubt if you were wanted or wished for. You have to know you were more than you will ever know. We have moved heaven and earth to get to you and will continue to do that for you. For some reason even tonight now isn't the time for us to be together. Some plan is in motion and sometime hopefully soon we will be together. Maybe even tonight you may be wondering about us as we are wondering about you. We are here just waiting for our missing piece. 

Only Human

So today the call that would never come came a baby more details to follow. But the happy shock was short lived with another call and the baby is being cared for by a relative. *sigh* Like someone pops your happiness balloon. I hope like all the other calls that the baby is safe and doing well. I am emotionally exhausted.

I don't know if you were the one and in some time we will get the call again about you. I don't know if you aren't meant to be. Instead, this was to fall apart because it wasn't right. I have not a clue how or where we go from here. Situations are going to come up more calls in.

Years before we put in an offer on a condo a place I thought was our home. Something after the offer was put in didn't set right. Everyone told me about a deal they had fell through. I pushed it aside but as it turns out the condo fell through. I was feeling defeated frustrated and didn't want to continue. We did and when we scheduled two homes I tried to be positive. We went to the first house we struck out it wasn't what we thought. Then we showed up to the gray house with red shudders. Which we now call home. Not a day goes by that I don't love this house.  A house isn't a child.

I wish I knew. I wish I could say for certain, but I don't know. Part of me wants to give up but that I'm sure is part of the grieving process for the loss of this placement. Nothing is ever for sure or guaranteed. We may have had that baby or days weeks or years and then have to surrender when a family member showed up. What has to be done has to be done in the best interest of the child/children. One day that best interest will be to be placed with us.

So this song comes to mind because it's perfect. Only Human.
Years from now this will be a memory. I hope that this memory will be replaced with happiness of reading it with our meant to be child/children. That dream of a sibling group of 5. I would totally take that now.